Humiliation and degradation are often at the core of BDSM or femdom. It takes a special sort of slave to appreciate this type of submission. Humiliating someone is a very intimate act, driving down to the core of his identity. There are various reasons why slaves enjoy humiliation and/or degrdation. Dominance and submission is very complex stuff, which is why I enjoy it so much. Here I discuss some aspects of humiliation. Hopefully this will either validate what you feel or shed new light on your understanding of this interesting aspect of femdom and D/S.
Kinky Sexual Humiliation
In many cases, a slave seeks humiliation or degradation for simple sexual kicks. There isn’t necessarily anything deep and troubling going on, he just wants to get kinky and get off. Fair enough. Whom amongst us hasn’t had those desires? There’s nothing wrong with that and I can certainly accommodate uncomplicated provision of this. For example, small penis humiliation, making you wank for me, or laughing at you as your cock strains against the rope.
Sometimes, though, things gets a bit more complicated.
Feelings of Unworthiness
A slave who enjoys being humiliated doesn’t necessarily present himself to the world as weak or pathetic, but somewhere deep inside he has the need to subjugate himself to a powerful domme. He may feel totally unworthy of her attention and knows this is the only way he can get it. He may have been carrying around the burden of feelings of guilt and shame for years. This often leads to a desire to be punished or degraded. Nobody can stay sane living in their guilt or shame every day, so having a time and place to deal with it and receive humiliation for their transgressions can be very cathartic. And very powerful.
Female Superiority
Some subs and slaves have a strong belief in female superiority and this is why they pursue humiliation. Allowing a woman to take him down to the lowest common denominator and treat him in a lowly manner isn’t always about a slave’s self-image. Sometimes it’s about honouring the woman before him. The sub knows he can’t possibly ever be good enough for his goddess. He worships her and wants to show his appreciation. Lowering himself to an inferior position elevates the mistress. It shows her how deeply he feels the need to worship her. It’s akin to hero worship.
We all need someone to look up to and admire. Because we are such sexual beings, it’s not surprising that we do this in the context of sexuality or sexual desire. And, as we all know, we want all the more those things which we can’t have. When we are denied access to something or someone we adore, it develops a strong craving. In turn, this reinforces the feelings of inferiority and superiority. Being humiliated fosters the hero, or goddess, worship and his need for female superiority. And let’s face it, in many ways, women ARE superior to men! I appreciate slaves who recognise this and come to my temple.
Beyond Kink, Punishment and Inferiority
Many people don’t understand why someone would submit to, what they see as, being treated like rubbish. And paying someone to do it? They must be crazy, right? Far from it. It isn’t just about kink. It goes much deeper and broader into the psyche than that. The need for humiliation and degradation can be very complex.
Almost every single person goes about their daily life without ever being truly seen or understood. Society has many ‘rules’ about what is acceptable and expected behaviour. If we even talk about many of our thoughts, we will be derided and/or shunned. We are taught to feel bad about our thoughts and desires. Obviously, some things can be universally declared as unacceptable (child abuse, etc.). Aside from those, in my opinion, as long as no one is being hurt and all activities are consensual, anything goes.
We are complex beings with a multitude of thoughts, feelings and behaviours. If we are allowed to express only a fraction of these, we feel incomplete. Even if a person is successful and well-respected, it can be deflating to only be seen in this positive light. Many successful and accomplished feel like frauds because no one knows who they ‘truly are’. In order to feel complete and whole, all aspects of our personalities need to be acknowledged. By having a safe place to expose his darker sides, a sub feels more authentic. He feels validated and more complete as a person.
The same applies to feelings of inadequacy. If a person tries to hide these every day and live up to others’ expectations, that can cause unhappiness or even depression. At least if he is being acknowledged for his inadequacies, and more importantly, accepted for them, then he feels he is seen as a whole person. This can release the negative tension in the slave and lift the feelings of worthlessness. Everybody wants to feel a sense of worth and usefulness in life. Even if that usefulness is to be my dog’s body or whipping boy. Ha ha.
A Safe Haven for Humiliation and Degradation with Lady Vivian
There are very few arenas in life where a person can experience that recognition of all aspects of personality and humanness. Sure, you could go to therapy or confession, but in those settings, again, there are very strict guidelines of acceptable behaviour. Seeing a professional mistress is one of the rare opportunities in life to literally lay oneself bare and make true confession. A good domina, such as myself, will laugh at you if you wish, hear that confession, address the feelings of unworthiness or goddess worship, and deal with them accordingly. In other words,offering a save haven to give expression to those needs, freeing you to go forward with a deep sense of relief. Now that’s damn good therapy, and money well spent!